This is my fifth most important post ever. It’s for those attending weddings in Melbourne next year.

Weddings in 2022 will be very different (provided we are allowed out of our homes without fear of being arrested or, you know, murdered).

There will be Wednesday weddings. There will be Thursday weddings. There will be Monday weddings.

There will be weddings on days that haven’t been invented yet.

And please, don’t get the wrong idea - this post isn’t designed to pressure couples into marrying on one of these days.

If you still want that Saturday, go for it - do what’s in your heart.

Rather, this post is for those who will be attending a said weekday ceremony.

We need a promise - a pledge, if you prefer – that you, as an attendee of such a celebration, will bring the vibe and energy of a Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

What does that mean?

It means shots. It means wine. It means walking into work the next day still straddling somewhere between the realms of sobriety and complete obliteration.

‘But what if I don’t drink…?’ I hear you cry.

No excuse.

You know how, in Australia, you’re never more than four metres away from a snake?

At weddings, you’re never more than four metres away from an espresso martini.

And nobody refuses an espresso martini. Not Jesus. Not Indiana Jones.

Nobody.

You'll dance in the moonlight. You'll invite Valerie to come over. You'll muster all of your strength to deliver a vibe befitting of the two beautiful people who are about to commit their lives to one another.

This is your pledge. I hope you take it.

And I hope you carry it out to the best of your rule-breaking abilities.