PIMP MY CELEBRANT
It's your wedding, right? You've spent a pirate's ransom to make it perfect. And you want to make it fun and relaxed.
You should get to control EVERY aspect - including the clothes on your Celebrant's back.
Click below to find out more about the attire you can ‘Pimp Your Celebrant’ (i.e. me) with.
And if you'd like to chat about me being your celebrant, by all means shout me a message.
THE HUMBLE LOTHARIO
The Humble Lothario is about the little details - the royal purple/pink tie, the lapels, my left ear (which makes me look like an elf).
It's inspired by a friend of mine - a gorgeous man who could swoon anyone with just a twitch of his furry eyebrow.
I'm not gonna mention his name. Let's just call him Josh.
If the Mafia and the tweed industry hooked up this would be their baby.
This outfit has its own shylock business and still calls women 'dames'. Special features includes a tommy gun under the right lapel and a FBI wire tap under the left.
Sure, it'll be nice to your face. But double cross it and you'll have your brains spilt all over your nice Ivy League suit.
Without getting overly technical, this suit is fancy schamnzy as. It'll slip seamlessly into a more formal affair.
The lapels give a slight tux feel and the chequered bow-tie is pretty gorg.
Apparently this is the same suit Gary Ablett wore to the Brownlow. I hope he washed it.
Neat casual: In. Your. Face.
This style is ideal for those looking for a chilled, relaxed, "so what if it rains and drenches Grandma" ceremony.
The floral bow-tie / hanky combo gives way to a polka dot shirt and vintage-touch vest.
I had to pick up the vest from the post office because the mail man didn't leave it outside my door. Why do they do that?
This outfit has been known to sneak off in the middle of the night and come home smelling of perfume and garlic sauce.
It's my personal fave - the English teacher jacket. The buttoned-up shirt. If this outfit had a doctorate it would be in 'gettin' down'.
Sorry about that.
JAB ‘N’ JIVE
Introducing 'Jab 'n' Jive' - a wise crackin' two-piece that will marry you AND fill out your tax return all in the one afternoon.
The electric blue tones will refresh your face while the slim fit pants will have you guessing how much I can deadlift.
It's sassy. It's sleek. But by God it's sensible.
Blue Crush is tranquil, calming; like that first spray of aloe vera after falling asleep on the beach.
The centrepiece tweed tie has won four national surfing titles, including the Pipe Masters in Hawaii.
Kelly Slater rang me and said he wanted it. I told him I wanted ten thousand dollars.
He hasn't called back.
The top has been pre-drenched in a Chisel mosh pit. The pizza is meat lovers. The beer contains gasoline. And the dart is the first of 57 for the day.
Do you enjoy stealing trolleys for the dollar coin? Does your 1983 Holden break down on the Monash every Friday afternoon during peak?
Look no further.
If your aisle song is by Arcade Fire and you bought your wedding dress from Savers, this get-up will get you giddy.
The jacket is tree green and the shirt is a superbly-fitted floral number.
You can complete the look with suspenders and glasses.
P.s. the glasses won't have any lenses.